Parenting Your Child Through and After a Divorce: Six Tips for Parents

 

1. BREAKING THE NEWS

Where possible, both parents should decide how they will inform their child  about the pending divorce and stick to the plan. The plan details should include the following:

a. Date, time and location

b. Reinforce to your child that both parents love him/her and that the divorce is not their fault.

c. Where applicable, reinforce to your child that the divorce will not end their relationship with one parent

d. Allow your child to express their own concerns and if possible address those concerns during that initial meeting.

Additionally during this meeting, parents should avoid making negative remarks about each other. Parents should exercise this level of respect for each other throughout their parental careers. Allow your child to be the center of attention. Parents should keep explanations age appropriate and short especially when dealing with younger children. Avoid too much detail. 

 

2. HOME ENVIRONMENT

Each parent should strive to create a loving, stable and nurturing environment at their separate residences.

 

3. DISCIPLINE

Where possible, parents should discuss what will be appropriate disdcipline for their child. In addition to this mutual understanding, parents should avoid undermining the other parent's authority in the presence or hearing of their child. 

 

4. PARENTAL COOPERATION 

Every family will have different dynamics during and after the divorce. However, where appropriate and possible, it will be emoftionally helpful for your child to see their parents cooperating with each other even in simple daily tasks. The effect is a reduction of anxiety in your child.

 

5. DEALING WITH A DIFFICULT CO-PARENT

When you have to deal with a difficult co-parent, according to the individual facts of your circumstance, avoid getting involved in heated arguments. The pending divorce or final divorce decree will likely impact each parent differently. Individuals process emotional changes in a different manner and depending on the issues one or both parents might be experiencing feelings of regret, guilt, unresolved anger, resentment and deep rooted emotional hurt. These feelings may manifest in various ways including purposely refusing to cooperate with the other parent over simple matters. These types of arguments have the opposite effect and will likely leave you feeling frustrated, possibly hurt and stressed. Therefore, it will not be beneficial to be involved in circular and non-productive arguments. Instead when faced with a resistive co-parent stand firm in your resolve and refuse to join your co-parent in this non-productive arguing. If the resistive co-parent continues to engage in this negative, one-sided dialogue, continue to make a concerted effort to keep repeating to your co-parent that the purpose of the conversation is to discuss the issues that are impacting our child. If this is to no avail then refuse to continue and state that you will have a civil conversation at a later date. 

 

6. HONORING PRE-SET TIME COMMITMENTS

Making an effort to reduce or avoid conflict from arising can be very helpful to the emotional wellbeing of your child, yourself and family and friends. Also the positive manner in which conflict is managed can have a relaxing effect to relieve some of your child’s anxiety. In keeping with this, it is important that each parent strives to honor allotted time with their child. Therefore, if the agreement is that you will attend track and field events, please honor that commitment baring real emergencies. Each parent should avoid using their agreed time commitment as a bargaining chip against the other parent.